I can not pinpoint the allure of the concepts of "top", "bottom", and "switch". Perhaps it is the Capricorn side of me that likes everything to have a well defined role. Perhaps it's just my ISTJ showing through allowing me to see certain boundaries without blurred lines. Perhaps it's simply a curiosity that has never been explored...fully.
It's funny that I find the idea of being a "top" and a "bottom" equally as appealing - which is when I discovered "switch" as some ideal concept.
The freedom of reversed, yet definable, bedroom roles. It doesn't have to be anything as extreme as ropes or pain. It's the concept of domination and submission - the sadism and masochism doesn't have to be anywhere near the room.
It's a hard concept for me to strip from that particular lifestyle, I simply do not know enough about it. About the only thing out there now is the extremist material where some woman is harnessed in some pseudo-dungeon while being gagged and penetrated by some dildo on a hydrologic piston.
The side I'm interested in is more of doing what you can to make your lover happy, cater to their needs, and let the fantasy come through. If that fantasy happens to be that she's the aggressor and wants total control - then bring the rope. If the fantasy is more along the lines of Geisha - then I can play the necessary part.
I have no desires to stab needles through people, cane them until they're bloody, or choke them out. What I long for in a long term sexual relationship boils down to trust, honesty, and the ability to be open no matter what. When there is trust, fear has no place in the bedroom - as you know your partner wouldn't do anything to cause you harm. Thats not to say you won't ever be bent over a knee and spanked or that I won't ever have hot wax dripped all over me - but I think you understand my point.
The interesting dilemma in all this - I've never actually met a female dominatrix. I've heard rumors about who is and who isn't. I've also never met a real life female submissive. Again, speculation and rumors - but apparently this isn't something that's talked about as openly as last night's NBA game.
Having been with the women I've been with - I can honestly say that most of them were not ready for any of that. They simply were not comfortable in their own sexuality to ask, receive, or even communicate anything outside of "I love it when you lick my pussy" or "fuck me harder".
That annoys me.
Seriously - if this part of a relationship can't be fun, open, trusting, and honest - then what part can be? This is THE part that you share with your partner. You don't share this with friends, family, or neighbors - this is the part that is special. It doesn't mean it has to sit on a pedestal - it means much like your favorite hobby or past time - you should take the time to get to know what you want, how you want it, when you want it, what you're willing to try, etc... and be fully ready to communicate it when the time is appropriate.
Obviously most first dates don't include "and I like the occasional spanking... also, anal is good". If I heard that I might drop dead, however, as the relationship grows and the sex part interjects itself - it's really time to let go of whatever reservations you have and really enjoy your lover.
Going back, I could love my lover as a top or bottom - but I'm not sure I'd want to do one or the other exclusively. I have my moments where I'd like to step into one role and not the other - and then vice versa.
...besides, not much better than coming home to a naked woman who looks at you with stone cold eyes and says "eat me... and you better do it right or your ass is going to burn".
If nothing else, it's incentive to give good head.
...and these outfits are hot.
-K
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